Do You Feel Shackled in Your Relationship with Your Child?


Posted By: Rima Bose

Aug 17, 2017

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Do You Feel Shackled in Your Relationship with Your Child?

We are supposed to feel comfortable and intimately connected to our kids because they are my family and the nearest ones. It is necessary to be socialized as we are social beings. This process is full of obstacles and confusions. Our kids are fully dependent on us in every aspect. We are the responsible people who are supposed to provide solace to our youngsters.

Many mothers told me that their sons or daughters are keeping secrets. This happens especially in the case of strict parents. One day, a father in my fitness class suddenly voiced - “I am alcoholic. So, I keep distance with my son. I am afraid that he will adopt my habit. I am visiting a doctor to get rid of it.” 

In these cases, I believe that the child is getting affected. But, he or she should come closer to the parents. Guardians and children must have a reciprocal relationship. Otherwise, the little souls can go the wrong way without our notice which is a threat to the nation.

We should seek some ways to erase the shame in our precious relationship. Here is how: -

1.    Share your experience

 Dana McDermott has described in the book named “Developing Caring Relationships Among Parents, Children, Schools, and Communities” that our offsprings must get a realistic view of our parenting. They can understand the efforts, time, money we are spending on them. Therefore, positive interaction is the key to break the locks of shyness in the relationship. Don’t lay back in sharing your experience. Tell about your childhood, past good and bad experiences. Brief them how you have overcome adverse situations.

2.    Admit your fault

If you are alcoholic or drug addicted, take time and inform your child. Your child is growing up, and he/she is watching you all the time. Little kids copy elders. If you are under the evil influence of alcohol or drugs, make them understand your defect.

A warning: - Never drink alcohol or smoke or take harmful drugs in front of your child directly. Bar yourself from going near them during and after consuming these slow poisons. Otherwise, you will kill yourself and your baby both internally and externally. Take treatments to get well soon.

3.    Over- strictness is dangerous

Often I have heard children saying “My dad is very strict. Please don’t tell him that I got fewer marks in this paper. He will kill me.”

Are you thinking that being authoritative will make your child well behaved? You are mistaken. Psychologists have come to the fact that it usually deprives the younger ones of several opportunities for internalizing rationality and self-discipline. Many kids become prey to depression and anger. They don’t learn how to empathize.

4.    Do not show power

Are you raising your children to be slaves in future?

Your punitive treatments will make them obey you, but, it will stop them to think independently. They will be habituated to mend to the words commanded to them by the superior humans. It will affect their work life too. They will blindly follow orders without any question. They will be chained and the parent – child relationship will grab a wave of fear.

5.     Friendship is the greatest virtue

We share all our top-secrets to our best friend. Isn’t it?

It is obvious that your child will tell you the truth if you happen to be the best friend of him or her. The bondage of shame will not remain between you two. Eventually, you can also share your unrevealed incidents to your child. The innocent spirits must feel free to talk to you.

6.    Love knows no boundary

Your father-mother-child journey is the epitome of an interpersonal journey that is beyond care. Raising your infant, toddler, teenager, etc. often leads to disrespect due to their nagging, several "No's," frustrations, silence, lies due to the gap lying between you two. Your child is becoming a rebel and outrageous. The only solution you are meant to give is the unconditional love with consistency. Growing kids are passing through the thorny journey towards adulthood. It is you who should maintain a balance between the overflowing love and restrained behavior.

7.    Learn from your child

Franklin D. Roosevelt stated- “Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.”

Nobody can achieve perfection on earth. We all make mistakes. The “I am always right” attitude can destroy the parent-children relationship. Learn to enjoy the little things as your beautiful little hearts are doing.

 Robert Brault once uttered - “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Every day is a new start. Laugh with your wonderful baby. Forgive each other. Don’t overburden your adolescent human by your age-old rules and limitations. The world is advancing, and so they are. The present trends are making their minds more advanced. So, learn the new swings and facts from them. Be updated.

My closing statement is simple. 

Involve with your gentle kid. Think from their perspectives. Give them time. One-on-one interaction is significant. Do the academics and extracurricular activities with them. Be a kid yourself, though sometimes. Be trustworthy and have active communication, be firm, fair and friendly. Relax together. Enjoy life.

Kindly give your valuable comments.

Thank you.

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